I feel so lost. I’m not doing well in school and now I’m way behind. How could I have gone so far in school just to mess up now? I always tell myself that making mistakes is fine and it only makes me a better person, I can just retake the class, or everything happens for a reason. But right now nothing seems to be going right. It seems everyone around me is achieving and surpassing their expectations but I’m just sitting here drawing circles not knowing what to do with my life.
I look at my mom and I see her working her ass off just to provide but I know its not enough. Nothings been the same since both my parents lost their jobs. What can my dad do when he’s not as young as he used to be and can barely speak English? My sisters out doing her own and she has her own loans to worry about. Now that just leaves me. I walked into college with my “oh so amazing +4.0 & 1000 hours of community service” and thought I would not only get good grades but have a social life. Two quarters later, I saw myself with neither of those. First quarter I sacrificed good grades for a social life and failed a class. Second quarter I sacrificed a social life and found myself doing even worse.
Can I really do anything I set my mind to? I feel that it’s completely false. Although college is definitely the place to find who you truly are. I’ve realized that I can pick up anything extremely fast, anything that’s not school related. Of course I’d be good at the things that don’t matter. Maybe its the bad karma or just plain bad luck. Give me any instrument and ill be able to play a song for you in minutes, give me a day and ill learn how to backflip for you, give me a month and I’ll be able surpass the average person who’s been playing a particular sport for years. I get instantly hooked to something I find interest in and I’ll find myself practicing for hours until it’s perfected. Why can’t I do that for studying? Maybe I just have bad study habits. Maybe Biology just isn’t meant for me. However, I’m not doing it because my parents want me to or because of the money, I am genuinely interested in Optometry. So why can’t I spend hours learning the basics in these introductory courses in order for me to be better prepared for whats ahead?
I say this every quarter but Spring Quarter will be different. I’m determined to improve academically and strive to be a more well-rounded student. I’m behind but I can’t let that put me down. Hopefully it’s not too late.
Raymond Tran
